Fried catfish salad

The amazing catfish salad that I invented myself.

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Man, my tummy must be shrinking or something. I can't pack it away anymore like I used to. Gone are the days of straight up grazing, or so it seems. I get all kinds of stop-eating-now signals way before I'm done pigging out. Wutupwidat? Doctor, is something wrong with me? Do I have a giant tapeworm inside of me?

I wondered if it is possible to make a salad with fish prepared à la meunière, so called because it is in the manner of the miller's wife. Why her? Because she had a lot of flour around presumably. Like us.

The answer to that question is yes. And why wouldn't it be possible, if it's possible make salad out of tuna from a tin, then anything is possible innit. Tuna in a tin. Whoever thought of that must have been insane. Or some kind of camper. Or hungry.

One my sisters gave me some smoked salmon from Oregon or maybe it was Washington. It was the grossest crap in the history of fish. Worse than tuna in a tin. When I opened the package, liquid poured out. Honestly, any of us could have done better on our back yard grill. Don't ever buy that commercial stuff, it'll kill you.

This started out to be simple, then before you know it, the whole thing got out of hand. First, the croutons. One thick slice of bread cubed. I read in a book never to cut the bread for croutons but I didn't catch the reason for that prejudice. I cut mine. It made 16 little cubes. I oiled them, stood over them, turned them individually, toasted four of their sides. Why not all six sides? What do you think I am over here, compulsive? In the same pan I seared the catfish pieces, then removed them to a kitchen towel. In the same pan I seared the sweet chubby little pea things. Meanwhile I made a dressing, cut a tomato and cored an apple. This time I added a teaspoon of fish sauce to the dressing, a sauce version of anchovy.

• Olive oil. 2 Tablespoons

• Lemon juice. 1/2 small lemon

• Dijon style mustard. 1 teaspoon

• Asian fish sauce. 1 teaspoon

• Honey. 1 tablespoon

• S/P

Apple, tomato, some kind of wrinkly lettuce, spinach, pecans warmed for 30 seconds in the microwave, sweet Asian peas, croutons, catfish chunks dusted with seasoned flour and fried briefly in 100% pure unadulterated unsalted hydrogen-saturated butter that came out of a cow.