Iceberg lettuce quarter

Loser lettuce. All dressed up and no place to go. Except mah stuuuuh-mik. Devoid of nutrients but full of crunch and healthful live microflora.

Dressing is:

• Olive oil in a bowl

• Dijon mustard, a daub plopped in the bowl. Do not lick the spoon, you'll need it.

• Raspberry preserves, another daub plopped in the bowl

• Croutons made from homemade bread. Fried in a pan with gobs of olive oil and powdered garlic.

• Shaved Parmigiano.

• A tablespoon of prepared kimchi to the side.

• Hothouse tomato. The package said it was a hothouse but for all I know it could have been a warm house.

• Brittany gray sea salt, so exceedingly high in minerals you can taste 'em in there.