English muffin

When I discovered the simple wonderment of the pan baked home-produced English muffin and experienced the joy of eating one and my mind settled in on the beauty of them and I became all swept up in the apparent history of it and the sheer perfection of the things and then I immediately thought

of ways to improve it

as I do. 

It occurred to me aged dough would be better. So I started a new batch with just a trace of the yeast so that the whole thing would take all night to become properly started. 

Then take my time the next day. That would age it enough.

And with a little cornmeal this time or maybe semolina, something for coarseness but not too much. 

There are six of them. Two are already in a pan baking stovetop.

How long do you figure they should bake on the stovetop?

How low or high must the heat be in order to take the amount of time you determined they should take to bake?

That's two guesses to make.

I guess ten minutes or so maybe twelve maybe fourteen.

I guess low maybe very low maybe very very low.

Those are my two guesses. 

Our target internal temperature for bread is 200℉ 93℃ thereabouts

Our target external appearance is appealing speckled golden brown both sides. 

Close enough.

And then I realized, yes, these changes do improve perfection, they sure do, but after all that, yesterday and today, without all the egg yolk and all the stupendously rich buttery egg yolky lemony sauce piled up towering on top that goes zing zippy zow woosh all over your mouth, without poached egg and whipped Hollandaise these English muffins just aren't all that. 

I see again why we never hit it off. 

This is how I did it. I don't know what the regular way is. I'm not sure I understand the point. I'm just copying what I noticed. I could have it all wrong. Maybe I had just read a book or a few web pages or YouTube videos, but then the whole time I'd be thinking they're just copying too and my guess is good as anybody's.  

But I learned something else possibly more useful than that.

This is so weird.

I brought home a pineapple and didn't get around to it soon enough. Only half of it was useable, half of it turned. So I cut off large portions. 

Put it in the trash instead of the garbage disposer because I didn't want the thing running a long time.

Mistake, not taking the trash out immediately.

But I'm lazy. I don't do things when I know I must. I just don't. That's not an excuse either, it's my reason. I'm lazy sometimes I simply cannot be arsed. 

Tiny flying bugs hatched, the sized of ground pepper and they vex me. It's my fault, the pineapple, but eh. 

I hate them so.

I would kill them all. All at once, if I could.

I discovered by these muffins they're attracted to active yeast being all actively activated and making carbon dioxide so I fashioned for them their own little yeast trap that offers exactly what they're looking for.

Yeast in a bowl with sugar and water, clingwrap covering the bowl, holes poked with a toothpick and expanded by wiggling just enough so tiny bugs can squeeze in 

but manage somehow, being bugs, to not be able to squeeze out! 

It's a one-way thing.

A fatal attraction.