Salami chipotle jalapeño pizza

The chipotle is in the adobo sauce.

Chipotle is smoked jalapeño and for some reason the red sauce is a lot hotter than regular roasted jalapeño.

This is a medium size pizza and I ate the whole thing. Half was enough. Then I suffered through the night like a boa that ate an entire rabbit. I became dehydrated like this pizza dried out my whole body I woke up and felt like a body in an Egyptian morgue covered in natron and I drank two quarts of cold water from the tap not even filtered. 

And it was the best tasting water in the whole world. Denver water. It was snow atop the continental divide just hours ago. Those mountains right over there *points out the window.* Water directly from the source of water. Fussed with just a little bit to purify by the city. Like in the Coors commercials. Refreshing. With zero taste. Straight from the tap. I lifted the quart bottle to my lips and poured it in all in one long sip. Filled up the bottle again and another long sip. I felt I could keep doing that. I filled the bottle again to have at my side.

Then later nature called.

*bring bring* Hello, Chip? Go to the bathroom. This is the time I should poop out the pizza.

I went to the bathroom and peed five drops. 

That's how much water this pizza absorbed inside of me. 

Then my body absorbed this entire pizza. Every molecule went to making new cells. I never did poop out a residual portion. Nothing. No constipation. No discomfort. No stomach noises. No pee, no poop. No hunger the whole next day. Rarely is digestion this complete. Rarely is satisfaction this long. It's just another of those mysteries of life on earth. This was a magical pizza.