Chocolate pudding with whiskey fail, apple, Asiago, pepperoni, ham

I flat do not want to eat anything. There. I said it.

Ordinarily you could go, fine then, don't, but I cannot do that either. There is no buffer. There can be no fast days. 

So I'm going to try to trick myself into drinking a cup of heavy cream. 

I do not know why I thought alcohol in pudding was a good idea.

Out of all that, I do not know why I narrowed it down to whiskey. 

I do not like whiskey. Never did. It tastes to me exactly like I imagine poison would taste, and yet I keep trying it to see if that changed and it never does. 

I do not know why I picked Jim Beam out of those bottles. I actually don't know anything about them. They might be Bourbon and I don't know what that is either. 

So I'm starting off poorly and for the life of me I do not know why this impulse hit me. 

I thought an ounce would do. The shot glass I have is tall and it didn't seem right. Zeroed the scale with the shot glass on it, poured, the numbers didn't change until 1.25 oz, did not return the surplus .25 oz, and that might be what killed it. 

The whiskey will kick butt on vanilla. They are similar things so the vanilla should go, but I couldn't, my inner pudding master insisted so I used a scant 1/4 teaspoon, which is ridiculous, I know, but sometimes I just am ridiculous.

I'm not feeling good about this. 

A cup of whole milk and a cup of heavy whipping cream, so a pint of proper mathematical half and half, the custard for an ice cream mixture. I've made this many times. I can do it sleeping. The margins are broad, variations innumerable, there is no reason for this not to be delicious. 

And yet I managed to make the most disgusting pudding I ever tasted. 

I don't temper eggs anymore. Tempering is for sissies. So is straining. 

This is a cheap house brand cocoa that was processed with alkaline. Dutched. Dutch processing of chocolate is one of the rare instances where processing actually does greatly improve the product. Masa harina is another example of that. Much better with the alkaline processing.  

A little of that cocoa goes a long way. My impulse was always to overdo it, but with maturity I've backed off and now even add it in increments to bring it up to desired chocolate density.

  

I love cold milk on hot pudding. Dad does that and I copy him. 

I was going to scarf all four to prove what a stud I am but I could barely finish one, gagging all the way. This is the grossest thing I made and then ate in the last ten years. 

I feel ill.

Dear God, if you help me not barf I promise I'll never do this again. 

I promise I promise I promise I promise I promise I promise I promise I promise 

Scrounged. There is pepperoni and ham in there too and I think this just might have saved me. I have to go lie down.

But first I must look up the difference between lay and lie. 

must 

lie

down