Meatball mixture in excess of what fit on the baking tray. This was added to the gravy.
1 lb ground chuck
1 lb ground sausage meat
1/4 cup Panko bread crumbs, est., about two stale pieces of white bread worth.
1/4 cup whole mil, est., enough to soak the Panko bread crumbs
2 egg yolks
1/4 teaspoon allspice, est., I sprinkled enough to darken a portion of the top of soaking breadcrubs
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, est., I grated two leftover bits in the tin.
1 small diced sautéed onion.
salt
pepper
Nothing extra. No Worcestershire, no soy, no liquid smoke, no cayenne, no chipotle, no jalapeño, no mustard powder, no turmeric, no cumin nor coriander, no oregano, no catsup, no asafoetida, no fenugreek, no anchovy, no fish sauce, no mirin, no toasted sesame seed oil, no garam marsala, no garlic, no fennel, none of the usual things. Just rather plain, such as children would eat.
And it tears me apart!
While these plain amuse bouches are baking gently their gravy is prepared.
The gravy is a beef broth based velouté.
A mirepoix is prepared and simmered in olive oil and butter to keep the butter from browning too much.
* 1 diced small onion
* 1 diced carrot
* 2 diced short celery sticks.
* 3 bay leaves.
* 2 tablespoon olive oil
* 2 Tablespoons butter
* salt
* pepper
The meatballs in the oven and this mirepoix are both done at the same time. The meatballs have browned and vegetable have softened. They both leave particles stuck to the cooking surface.
* all the leftover meatball mixture that didn't fit on the baking tray is added to the vegetables.
* 1 heaping tablespoon flour cooks in the pot with the vegetables.
* A spatula to loosen the fond on the baking tray, the meatballs transferred to a dish, the junky fond transferred to the vegetable pot.
* a splash of vermouth to loosen the fond in the pot. This amalgamates the vegetables into a thick pile of loose sludge as the vermouth evaporates.
* 2 cups beef broth, more as needed.
The broth is given the emersion blender treatment. More beef broth added as needed. I used more than 1/2 the commercial container. Probably about 3 cups total.
Taste-tested. The gravy tastes so excellent, in its plain somewhat Amish way, that no adjustments are necessary. We're aiming for plainness, for universal appeal. We don't want to give anyone any excuses. Which is stupid because I'm not sharing this with anyone. It's an experiment, okay?
The meatballs are dumped into the gravy, and now the two marry and become one.
Meatballs and gravy sitting in a tree.
K-i-s-s-i-n-g
First comes love
Then come marriage
Then come tiny meatballs in a meatball carriage.
The Dalai Lama goes up to a meatball vendor in New York and says, "Make me one with everything."
The meatball vendor doesn't do anything. For the Dalai Lama is already one with the universe.
"Come on, Poop-Head fix me a bowl of Swedish meatballs." The Dalai Lama handed the meatball vendor a $20.00 bill. At this point the meatball vendor and Dalai Lama were still on transactional terms.
The vendor prepares a bowl of Swedish meatballs and hands it to the Dalai Lama but he turns his attention to the next customer without giving the Dalai Lama his change for the twenty.
Trained in art of non-violence, the Dalai Lama says, "Come on, Douchebag, where's my change?"
The meatball vendor says, "Change must come from within."
Irritated with being given the short shrift, the Dalai Lama whips out a pistol from inside his robe and points the gun at the meatball vendor's head menacingly. And we all well know that concealed carry is illegal in New York City so the meatball vender knows already that the Dalai Lama flouts the law and given his conceptualization of reincarnation might not put so much emphasis on preserving one's present life.
The meatball vendor says, "Yikes, Brah, calm down, whatever happened to inner peace?"
The Dalai Lama says, "Look, Yak Dung, this gun is my inner piece."
The meatball vendor says to the Dalai Lama, "Wazza matter, Brah, ain'tcha got no sense of humor?"
The Dalai Lama spits, "Shove your meatballs up your butt."
Thus ends the story of enlightenment from which we learn that Dalai Lamas are people too.
