The worst pizza in history

I could only gag down two slices. It's truly gross. 

So I left it uncovered on the counter all night and all through the next day.

And ate the whole thing through the day like a rat or a dog, even worse cold, stale and dried out.

Worst pizza fail ever. 

beef noodle soup, fresh pasta

Dough divided in half and run through the Atlas rollers for two long flat sheets then run through the Atlas cutting rollers. 

The noodles are long as the work table. Too long. Too ridiculously long and difficult to manage, difficult to transfer from water to bowl, difficult to transfer from bowl to mouth. Long is fun. Extra long is just ridiculous. 

And the whole effort is just okay with generous Parmesan cheese.

So I'm eating this noodle soup and outside the formation of purple clouds begins to go pink. I'm watching it develop and I'm thinking, man, this going to be a good one. Shame to just let it go, just me watching it, so I got up and set up the camera. That takes a bit of adjustments to camera and to equipment, tripod and phone and the like and just as the first photo is taken it becomes clear this is actually the peak and the light show closes down with not much to show after that.

coated Peru beans

These are a strange plain meaty bean that was sold in bins at King Soopers.  They were soaked and fried directly without boiling first. 

They turn out crunchy, too hard to crush this way. They are a lot harder than peanuts. 

This experiment did not work very well.

The Korean chicken gave me the idea to coat beans the way she did the peanuts with her chicken. 

Honey was switched for corn syrup, so, mostly honey, then 1/4 that amount for soy sauce, then habanero sauce and cayenne pepper powder, (it takes more than I thought to overcome all the honey) and mustard. I added Worcestershire sauce too. Plus a tablespoon of vinegar. 

Idea needs some work. Another type bean. Possibly cooked bean. The honey sauce is fine.

Korean style, hot, candied chicken

I used chicken breast instead of cut chicken wings. That means no chicken flavor from the bone.

I used my own simple syrup instead of Korean style corn syrup

My dry red pepper are the worst thing about this. Their texture does not work. They need to be cooked to complete hydration and mine are not.

I forgot both vinegar and mustard, two key ingredients.

I thought I had raw peanuts on had but they are not where I thought they were. I use pine nuts and  the oil in my pine nuts is rancid. Nothing can fix them. They're awful and must be discarded.

Her brown sugar is actually turbinado sugar and I forgot to add that at the end anyway. 

So, for such major fails I must say this is not all that bad. Next try will be a lot better.

* corn starch used not potato starch

* vinegar and mustard forgotten

* chicken breast instead of proper chicken wings

* rancid pine nuts instead of raw peanuts

* dry chile pods not cooked to softness

* turbinado sugar at end omitted

* ginger included where not called for 

* sugar syrup substituted. Mine is from cane, hers is from corn (she thinks it's from rice)

Other than that the effort true to received recipe to the sharpest fidelity and it's not all that bad either. Although half a large chicken breast is quite enough. 

Even imitated poorly as this.  Win.

fried apple pie

The oily tough dough is awful. 

I ate 1 and 1/2 and threw away all the rest. They taste okay but bleh. 

Fail.

steak with roasted poblano, rice with annatto

Southwest polenta, poached egg, applewood bacon

The grits are made with commercial cornmeal. It cooks in one minute and it does not have the substance nor the intense and bright corn flavor that popcorn does that is processed to powder in the electric coffee bean mill. Homemade popcorn polenta or grits is better. A lot better. 

There is nothing special about the bacon. It comes in a package with all the other bacon. It is not the same applewood bacon that is cut thickly at Tony's or even the deli there inside King Soopers. 

scrambled egg with asparagus tomato and cheese, hamburger

It's one egg.

Scrambled egg prepared as sauce. The mass of egg dries as you go, and you go just a little too far, take it off, and add sour cream to the mass and that stops cooking and reverses the slight overdone dryness you allowed. It's a trick. Then asparagus seared in butter on one side is added along with raw tomato. This time a single slice of processed cheese solidifies the whole thing. It's very good tasting and I suppose probably good for you as well. That will be $11.00, please. 

cheeseburger, homemade buns

Cheese is melted directly in the pan that toasted the buns.

The buns were made earlier and include rye and lecithin. They're still somewhat fresh although a few days old and that would not happen without the lecithin. (They're not that good. I didn't eat it all. Commercial buns are better. But then you must have eight of them.)

falafel experiment, sour cream tzatziki

People take dried beans, soak them them and then process them fine as they go. They're refrigerated then fried. The processed beans are cooked in the frier.

Tinned chickpeas will disintegrate when fried. 

I do it differently and I do not understand why people do not follow my lead. My technique makes tremendous sense. Dry beans are turned to fine particles the same way coffee beans are at home. Whatever bean is used, even corn, then twice that amount in water. plus whatever seasonings you'd like right there. Microwaved 3.5 minutes. Done. Just like that. Grits, polenta, any type of flavorful bean sludge with that amount of water will roll into balls and stick. 

This knowledge right here can change your whole attitude about things. 

I didn't know which would be best, plain garbanzo beans or that same thing with finely diced celery. Turns out the plains ones are better. 

No baking powder necessary, no baking soda necessary, the beans are fluffy enough themselves. No egg. Just parsley and herbs if you want and the usual spices that you like.

Sour cream tzatziki shown before. 

Conclusion: plain ones with no celery win.

jalapeño bacon macaroni and cheese

Frozen.

You know how you make a béchamel sauce with one tablespoon butter and one tablespoon of flour for one cup of milk? 

This is a loose and fatty béchamel that has two tablespoons butter and one teaspoon flour. There's hardly any starch thickening it all. The noodles will add more starch and the cheese will thicken it too. 

• one small garlic clove grated 
• chile flakes
• nutmeg
• scant cumin

sour cream tzatziki

This is not proper, but who cares? It's supposed to be yogurt but I'd rather use sour cream. And it doesn't have all the ingredients either. It's runny and might need Philadelphia cream cheese to stiffen it. This is for falafel later. Maybe. 

Also I wanted to use the skin of the cucumber as well. I don't think that is usual. Mint will go well in it.