shrimp with tomato, cucumber and celery

Doesn't that sound innocuous?

In addition to the ingredients in the title, this also has: 

* onion

* clam juice

* flavor from shrimp shells

* catsup

* jalapeño

* habanero sauce

* generous cilantro

* salt and pepper

But no avocado even though there is one just sitting there.

And it is not innocuous. 

These are the ingredients presented on YouTube by member FoodWishes for Mexican shrimp cocktail. Except these ingredients are not diced finely. They're all kept to large chunks. It was a good idea, and it does taste incredible, but today they lead to an unhappy experience.

Today I made a  series of food-related critical mistakes one after another in grazing mode involving this leftover combination and other of my all-time favorite things. This is spicy and hot. 

I don't know why the liquid thickens but so far, all four times, I think, it has. The host of Food Wishes tells his viewers to expect the liquid to thin as it chills due to the salt drawing out moisture. But mine does not. I like the sauce becoming thicker than when I left it to chill, but that is unique in the world of Mexican shrimp cocktails. Outside of my kitchen the liquid is always like water.

I ate all that's left all at once. That was for breakfast. And it was delicious.

But it's light and I was not satisfied. 

So I cut off a very thick disc of watermelon. About three inches. More than you ever get at a picnic. Standing there the whole time spitting out seeds into the sink. It was a lot of watermelon and I ate the whole thing all at once. And it was super delicious.

But that's mostly water and I was a bit full but still not satisfied. Not hungry, but not satisfied. So I mixed a Mason jar of milk and Ovaltine. A lot of milk and whole lot of Ovaltine. A full quart size wide-mouth jar. It was very dark with malted chocolate and I drank the whole thing all at once. And it was delicious. Finally I was satisfied.

But then I felt a bit weird. My stomach was heavy with liquids.

These three things all at once were not a good combination.

So I learned.

The hard way.

My stomach grumbled. I could feel things moving around inside my body. I became very uncomfortable. I laid on the sofa and I could feel pressure building inside my internal organs. Moving around down there inside my stomach that made me feel like a cow, and inside all the tubes down inside there in darkness. Moving around and grumbling. And moving and rumbling. My body was complaining. My body was active. It wouldn't shut up. My body was processing all I had just delivered it. And it was processing quickly. The liquids were fermenting.

I became flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. Parf. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. Ffffffft. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. Parf. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. This is insane. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. And flatulent. It's not going to stop. And flatulent. And flatulent. It's getting worse.

I'm telling you it was bad.

Grind, gurgle, bubblebubblebubblebubblebubblebubble, drain, shift, pffffffffff, gargle, boil, bubble, fizz, shift, pour, drain, foam, inflate, shunt, roll, roil, stir, rise, agitate, puff, deflate, bulge, pour, cook, ferment, grow, inflate, change, infuriate, bubblebubblebubblebubble, growl, rumble, roar, hiss, whine, squeal, yelp, snarl, wail, gnar, murmur, warble, expand, cackle, squawk, scowl, mewl, rasp, warble, quaver, croon, caterwaul, throb, stomp, caw, shrill, bark, burble, bray, whirr, pump.

I'm telling you it was horrible.

And a good thing I live by myself.

The mumbling and grumbling and noises and expulsions were terribly uncomfortable. This combination of liquid food was perfect material for fermentation. And the whole thing was impressively fast. 

Then finally painfully too uncomfortable to bear. I'm in real trouble. I sat up. And that really did it.

And finally explosive.

I hastened to the bathroom and whipped off my clothes and sat there on the toilet with gushes of liquid exploding out through my bottom. With my butt covering the entire seat as a cap I passed liquid material out my back end in gushes, loudly, explosively. Shooting out of me like a firehose and splashing back up onto my butt. An ugly sick disgusting firehose. I could actually feel my whole body draining, becoming thinner, and lighter as I sat there containing the toilet with my draining butt.

I kept flushing the obscene accumulation I was imagining down there.

In series these miserable floods passed out my body as my lower internal tubing continued re-pressurizing repeatedly, the expulsions becoming less violent as time passed. I sat there experiencing this evacuation for at least half an hour and realizing the pauses between explosions were lengthening and the expulsions were lessening to my tremendous relief. Actual physical relief, I laughed.

I laughed like a loon.

Because the obscene mess and the noise really was insanely funny.

Were anyone else around they'd be laughing too. At me. At the situation I caused for myself to endure.  Finally the drainage ended. Or at least seemed to. I knew I could sit there longer and still have more come out of me. I knew that was not the full end of it. The pauses had lengthened comfortably but that didn't mean the whole thing was done. There was still some fermenting material inside of me.

I stepped into the shower and rinsed my filthy body. I messed the floor with disgusting drips just getting into the shower. I saw the mess of very dark Ovaltine concentrations rinse off my backside and drain down the bathtub. I soaped up my whole body and properly showered. Then set to cleaning and decontaminating the bathroom, a full job itself. 

But still unhappily frighteningly flatulent. And this went on for hours. All day. 

By the time it all ended and the remnant nutrition absorbed and my body had cleared itself so rudely so messily I was hungry all over again. Really hungry. But wary of eating.

This wonderfully delicious shrimp combination is all gone now. 

And I look askance at the rest of the watermelon, quite a lot, actually, even though I still love it so.

And I have second thoughts about Ovaltine, still a favorite of mine since childhood. Even after all that dissuasive mess and ridiculous noise.

Maybe there's a lesson somewhere in here for me.  Maybe something about having my favorite things in combination and quantity all at once. Maybe I shouldn't do this for  breakfast. Maybe don't do this in morning. Maybe avoid eating in a darkened room. Maybe don't eat things during an historic eclipse. After all, the path across the U.S. was a mere one state north of here. They were both unusual things. That must be it. Maybe don't do this while watching a show about witches, Salem on Netflix was on t.v. I don't know. I'm confused. I haven't figured it out and I'm terribly slow on the uptake.