Salad, avocado, cucumber, apple, croutons, pecans, feta, what have you, handmade dressing

Vinaigrette whisked with raspberry preserves. Doubly good with raspberry vinegar. Try it sometime, you'll thank me. 

Try it, I said. 

I am a mysterious and wondrous salad maker. I mention this because everybody who watches me in action or participates leaves awestricken and then they go around talking about the wonder they beheld but did not comprehend. It's embarrassing because it's easy as breathing. 

Nowadays I say, "Insurance policy states you have a seat outside the operating zone, and if you will wear these sunglasses please." Then holding the right arm outstretched into the center of the room  I open the refrigerator door with the left hand and scan the top shelf flicking my fingertips along the way diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly across the top shelf, diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly, fingertips spark and pop and smoke, diddly diddly diddly, second shelf, diddly diddly diddly, sparks and smoke, diddly diddly diddly, third shelf, diddly diddly diddly, first bin, diddly diddly, second bin, third bin, fourth bin, diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly, inside refrigerator door, diddly diddly diddly diddly diddly, when the scan is finished the door is shut and a completed plate of salad has magically appeared in the outstretched right hand.