Egg noodle in chicken broth

"Waiter. Waiter. 

I can pick through the food for the bits I can do and leave the rest. And maybe even do that twice. Or I can just tell you what works."

     "Fine. Shoot. Tell me what works and I'll tell the cook and instead of the menu thing he will make something similar just for you. A tailored meal composed of only things that work for you. Specified by you. We will price a unique thing accordingly just for you."

"Great. That's perfect. That's exactly what I was thinking."

     "That was a joke. That is not possible. It is not reasonable. We are not set up for that. You don't know this cook. He might not be so flexible as you imagine. He's young. Young people are impulsive. You might be inviting a person to spit in your food."

"Come on. Let's try it and see. Maybe he is in a good mood today. It might even be easier. Watch and make sure he doesn't spit in it."

     "Fine. What will you have?"

"Perfect. Good. This is good. We're on the right track. I would like a giant square egg-noodle, rather thick and hearty, floating around chicken broth with bits of chicken scraps on top."

     "Chicken scraps on top."

"Little bits of chicken thigh or whatever."

     "That's all?"

"Yeah. That's all."

     "That doesn't ... come on ... it's not even a real thing."

"I just made it up. That's what I want. That is what I see. That's what will work."

     "You kidney-guys are freaks. The cook is a freak. I'll tell him what you said."

-- pause --

     "The cook is inviting you back to the kitchen to watch him."

Egg yolks. Very little white. 

Extremely dry. This takes some time to come together, oddly, by deterioration. Autolysis. It's a w-o-o-o-r-d. Look it up. Now that the flour is wet enzymes are exposed that start breaking down the flour. The wet flour releases its own little monsters. Plus the hydration evens out. The water molecules do this, like little soldiers spacing themselves at arms length from each other. Give them enough time and they'll even themselves perfectly. That's how odd water is. It's like electromagnetic.

If we didn't do this, if we added more water now to make the dough more pliable right now, then the cooked noodles will be loosely structured. 

So we take our time. La la la. I don't care. I got all day.

"Did you get what you wanted?"

     "No."

"What went wrong?"

     "No chicken bits." 

"He spaced out the whole chicken bits thing. Plus they would have crowded the composition. But are you happy?"

     "Yes." 

The big fat noodle is perfectly weird. It is thicker than the other noodles. It's like eating the carpet. The whole thing moves when you cut it. Like a bowl inside a bowl. The chicken broth is weak, almost like water, the flavors that come through are the flavors the cook put into it, the mire-poise, sweet and bitter vegetables, the spices cumin and pepper and turmeric. 

Garlic not shown. No chiles or chile powders.

And everything in moderation. No going overboard with anything.

The broth is very good. It would have been better with broth from real bones but the cook did not take the time for that and he did outstandingly well with this weak commercial cheap version. None of the things that go with traditional American chicken, like sage for example, and yet this broth really does carry the day. It is perfect for this big fat noodle. It is full-bodied. I like it a lot even without chicken bits.

"Would you order it again were it put on the menu?"

     "No."

"Why not?"

     "Too weird. Once was enough. This was perfect. But only this once."