Crab patties, apple and fennel salad

Recipe from Spongebob Squarepants at the Krusty Krab underwater restaurant.

Recipes for crab patties will not call for celery or bell pepper or onion, and honestly, I can't imagine why not. Club crackers instead of white bread. Cilantro instead of parsley. Jalapeño peppers and habanero flakes instead of Old Bay seasoning, which frankly, makes me sick in the same way commercial chili powder does. I keep trying those two things and I keep concluding they're both cruel hoaxes perpetrated upon an unsuspecting and innocent public. Homemade mayonnaise, which is so fun to make it makes me squeak with glee every time I make it. Plus, I get to add all my favorite things turning it into a veritable aoili. Egg beaten separately from all the above and added to the mixture last.

The more you boil cranberries, the more pectin is drawn out, and the more water evaporates. It thickens as it cools. At room temperature, this cranberry relish became so thick you can cut it with a knife. That's what I wanted. I added raisins and pecans, and crystal ginger because I like goofing on cranberries like everything else and because I intend to use this relish for a bunch of other things.  Just watch.

* one cup white sugar
* 3/4 cup water
* 2 oz. package cranberries
* 1/8 teaspoon salt
* 1 teaspoon crystal ginger
* boil until the cranberries all pop
* raisins and nuts. withheld habanero flakes but I was seriously considering it.

Apple and fennel salad with home-made mayonnaise. Pecans, spinach, Romaine, tomatoes.

The thing about the asparagus is it's purposefully sauteed on only one side. Because they weren't moved once in the pan, they form a single tasty charred stripe. Wine splashed on top of the hot oil, then quickly covered, steams the asparagus to tenderness. Thus, you get the best of both worlds, char and perfectly steamed spears. You can see how rolling them around until they're charred all over will overcook the spears and you'd end up with charred but limp and unpleasant spears.

The patties were sauteed on one side to set the egg then carefully lifted and placed in the convection oven to finish. If I was cooking more of them, I'd have used a larger pan that I could slide into the larger oven to finish. This protects their tender selves from abusive over handling and unnecessary flipping.