Eggs Florentine

Did you know an English muffin is properly pan fried sourdough bread? I have sourdough bread that has been baked, already available and sitting right here, so there is no point in working up a batch just for this. And there is no point in frying it either since mine is already baked. Add to that my strong preference for my own bread, and well, there ya go. I wonder what the British think of us calling these lazy-ass pan-fried bread things English. Do you think they're offended or amused? The British do not claim them. They were invented by an American. It's like Swiss meatballs. The Swiss never heard of them. How dare us invent something so no-class and then attach another nationality to them. Think of anything like that: Irish stew, Canadian bacon, French fries or toast, Italian bread, Polish sausage, and chances are, those countries had nothing to do with them.

As a friend says, "But I digest."

Although it is kind of fun.

Florentine.

* Minced onion and garlic into a small pot with a scant Tablespoon of flour and a Tablespoon of butter. Sweat and heat through. Toast the flour, cook into a roux.

* A half Cup of milk. Bring to simmer. This forms a loose sauce.

* Chop desired amount of spinach and add it to the pot to wilt.

* Grate Parmigiano Reggiano cheese . Remove the pot from the heat and add the cheese. With salt and pepper, this finishes the Florentine mixture. It would be good in a little pile all by itself. Consider sprinkling it with nutmeg.

Ta daaaaaaa.

Hollandaise.

Hollandaise is exactly like mayonnaise, and I mean zakly like mayonnaise, 'cept diff'ern't. Like mayonnaise, you're adding oil to whipped eggs slowly at first then steadily drizzled. The difference is, lemon juice instead of vinegar, and butter instead of vegetable oil. Here, I substituted 1/2 olive oil for butter, so my mixture was 50/50 butter and olive oil. Same difference. Salt and pepper finishes. Like most all dressings, it's a combination of oil and acid. It's heated. But then, your store-bought mayonnaise is also heated. It seems scary, but it's not. It's simple and it's fun and it magic. Teach your children this, they'll love you for it. Kids love magic.

While using the double boiler (bowl set above barely simmering water), the egg can cook within seconds. You'll notice as you're stirring, the portion that rises up the side of the bowl by your whipping action has a tendency to cook first. When this happens, simply remove the bowl from the double boiler as soon as you notice cooking occurring and continue whipping the mixture being sure to incorporate that portion that is beginning to cook back into the mixture. Return the bowl to the double boiler (the top of the gently simmering pot) and continue merrily on your way. If your mixture turns out too thick, as mine did, add trace amount of water and whisk it in. Salt and pepper, and whatever else strikes your fancy. It'll blow your socks off.

* lemon juice and egg yolks into a bowl to be fitted above a pot of gently simmering water.

* whisked.

* butter / olive oil dripped in, then drizzled in, then dumped in while whisking.

* the immersion blender is not useful for this because the bowl is too shallow and it flings sauce all over the kitchen. Guess how I would know this.

Ta daaaaaaa.

Benedict

* Trimmed sourdough slices instead of so-called English muffins. Ha ha ha ha ha. English. That kills me.

* Honey baked ham instead of Canadian bacon or regular bacon or cod, for that matter.

* So there's two substitutions right there. Deviance from canon that would get me kicked out of culinary school. But if I was kicked out of culinary school for creative deviance, then I would mock my teachers, I would say, "This is why you're stuck teaching instead of running a five star restaurant you narrow minded provincial precisian martinet! Then I would pop the flat of my hand over my mouth making that hollow "POP" sound, as an audial explanation point, glare menacingly, spin on my heel, and abruptly exit. In my mind.