Frozen turkey

Do you know what the good thing is about simplicity? The lack of complexity, that's what. Do you know what is so incredible about ease? It's not hard. That's why frozen turkey straight out of the freezer is so simple and easy, you don't have to cook it. * looks over shoulder * What? Oh, I'm getting my masters in circular reasoning with minor in non sequitur. I intend to be prepared for an age where rhetoric rules.

That's what this is, a plate of turkey bits previously cooked taken out of the freezer and eaten like cold candy. Sometimes I'm lazy. I could have been satisfied with that, but sometimes I get a craving for raw things. So the plate of turkey bits is sitting there and I think, "Ya know that would be good with a pile of lettuce." And I visualize my pile of turkey bits on top of a pile of lettuce, and the thinking of that and the getting out the lettuce was enough time for the turkey to become less frozen. Then I think, "You know, you've got that mayonnaise you made a few days ago in that little jar in there." So I added that to moisten the lettuce, but I'm still thinking it's still just a pile of turkey bits accompanied with raw craving-satisfying lettuce and I intended to let that be the extent of it but then there was this Granny Smith apple sitting there and a knife in the drawer so I put the apple in with the lettuce and gave it a toss. And the whole thing is totally green, save for the turkey which is tan. I'm standing there admiring its abject greenness when a completely unrelated thought occurred to me about pecans within reach being brown dots and somewhat counterpunctual in texture so I warmed up a hand full of those and tossed them onto the pile. Then, as I'm starting to leave, this poor lonely little tomato just sitting there minding its own business trying to be unobtrusive nonetheless caught my attention and I couldn't help but notice it didn't have too many good days left so I mercilessly sliced it. And right next to the tomato was a package of Thanksgiving thyme drying out from desuetude of neglect which actually made the tiny leaves easier to remove from their tender stems so I rubbed them on top, and this, VVV down there, is what happened.

Behold, a pile of turkey straight from the freezer, a right proper pyramid -- a thing that assembled itself really and a leisurely meal to be nibbled and picked, undeserved for a slacker.

I suppose I could have nicked some hard cheese onto it with a vegetable peeler, but hard cheese is processed, and that degree of effort would have come too close to cooking.