Ham sandwich, Swiss cheese, tomato, lettuce, onion

This Swiss cheese is a bit boring

And now it's not.

This is the worst part of the sandwich.

My mayonnaise, my mustard, 

best in all the land.

From the deepest darkest scariest interior of of the Black Forest,

ham.

Daddy, why did you zap that onion?

Well Honey, sit on Daddy's lap and Daddy will tell you a little story.

Goes like this.

You see Darling, the members of the onion family allium cepa developed a defense mechanism where they take up sulfur from the soil and form it into four different kinds of bombs that float around within the cell fluids while keeping an enzyme that activates the bombs separated in their own vacuoles. Onions are discrete that way.

Vacuoles, Darling, they're like little pockets that are closed and you can't get them open. 

So when the onion is damaged, bruised, cut, smashed, or chewed then the cell walls that are damaged allow the chemicals to come into contact and they kind of blow up or otherwise react unpleasantly. So if you're an animal you go, "ew," drop it and run away.  

When the onions are heated, they become damaged, Honey, and the sulfur compounds react and produce a range of flavor molecules.

Does that make sense, Dear?

No.

Cooking makes onions sweeter.

Oh.

I am ashamed of this bread. Honestly, I am.

Go to the poorest nation on Earth, where would that be? I don't know, but go there and get better bread than this.

It's a shame that it has come to this. 

It's been two weeks and this bread is still here. It's still as fluffy and soft as it was when I bought it. Sitting on the counter, double wrapped in plastic. 

Bread does not do that. Bread does not last that long. This is not bread. It is something else substituting for bread. 

It is a substance produced for our convenience and nothing more. It is trying to meet our perceived need for convenience and to fake us out into thinking it is bread. It is not. 

It does not meet our perceived or actual need for convenient bread because it is not bread.

I am most sorry to report. 

I picked it off and ate the rest separately. No sandwich here.