flu

It's almost over.

Joint aches, eye-aches, headaches, barfing water, weakness, creating accumulative messes in my wake, inability to bathe or to walk or even to stand. I lost a full stone, actually, nearly twenty pounds.

And those were my favorite pounds, too.

Yesterday I worked myself up and walked across the street to a small urban bodega for a gallon of milk and that was the hardest thing I had done in a week. I'm still recovering from that effort. On the way I passed an old man in a wheelchair outside, the weather was amazing, he was outside for the air, his feet bandaged in hospital splints, as I passed I said, "Hello."

He responded, "I got the scooter here and you can barely walk!"

He felt guilty about being better appointed. Apparently I looked bad as I felt. Even to a guy who looks very bad. I tried to stiffen up and make myself presentable. But I added to the milk-attainment chore by ordering a sandwich from Taste of Philly beforehand and the guy there wanted to chat it up longer than was comfortable. I could feel my energy draining. Then the convenience store, nearly next door, was completely empty save for the son of the owner working the counter who also wanted to chat it up unusually lengthily. He kept going on about irrelevant incidentals. In both places I'm using their counter to hold myself up. I'm right at the edge of my ability, they're both blithely carrying on unaware that I'm sinking. Then across the street again, the old man in the wheelchair again on passing asked what my problem is. Propped up on two sturdy wooden canes I said simply, "Flu." He wanted to conversationally review the entire history of flu. I had to say, "I'm losing it. Gotta go. See ya around," and continued along home with the old man still talking behind me.

I've eaten a few meals in a row. I prepared a batch of cheese and macaroni with bacon and jalapeño. Standing the whole time where the day before I faded in the head, I could feel my face drain standing at the sink and my body dropped into the trash bin spilling trash across the kitchen floor. I had to stay down with the trash and with the water running until I could force myself back up and turn it off. The trash stayed until I had strength to sweep it up. My back still hurts a bit from that.

Apologies for not posting. There is nothing to post. I didn't make or eat much of anything.