pineapple and cream cheese hamburger

I had a fresh pineapple sitting out on the counter but I put it in a plastic bag and neglected it for two days. When I went for it the whole pineapple was covered with white fuzz so I threw it out. By then the idea lodged and I could not wait so I went across the street to the little bodega looking for tinned pineapple and found this. It's better than tinned, but not as good as fresh pineapple would be. Plus fresh would be in the form of a disc and that is much better to handle. So I crushed it to make it more manageable. 

Fresh pineapple is the way to go with a thing like this. It makes a world of difference.

I was impressed the bodega carried cream cheese too. 


Rob said...

Back away from the pineapple and cream cheese. Slowly, no sudden movements. Keep your hands where we can see them. Lie down on the floor, face down. Put your hands behind your back. All right, you have the right to remain silent . . . .

Chip Ahoy said...

Rob, you antipineappleite.

This is an excellent tasting hamburger. I intend to have it again.

And again, and again, and again.

Or perhaps you're an anticreamcheeseite.

One time a British friend said, "It doesn't even taste like cheese. I have no idea what Philadelphia cream cheese is for. Those Americans; tasteless beer, tasteless bread, tasteless cheese."

Rob said...

Chip, you accuse me of being an antipineappleite. Not true. Some of my best friends are bromeliads. Pineapple is delicious by itself, raw. It is fine grilled or broiled. On an upside-down cake, it is a triumph. Combined with a tasty baked ham, it makes a lovely contribution.

Likewise, cream cheese offers many pleasures. On a bagel. As a sandwich with date nut bread, as I used to enjoy at Chock Full O' Nuts counters in New York City. In a cheesecake, like the ones Reuben's used to purvey next to F.A.O. Schwarz. In icing on carrot cake.

You want to combine pineapple and cream cheese? Fine, have a cheesecake with pineapple topping. I'll think none the less of you.

But to combine these two fine food products with a hamburger? That, sir, is an outrage. It is not a marriage made in Heaven, it is a Caligulan orgy. Wonton licentiousness. Foods fucking in the streets, scandalizing children and frightening the horses. It is an offense against Nature. This is what comes of people putting pineapple on pizza. First pizza, then before you know it, hamburger. Where will it end, I ask you, where will it end?

Perhaps you say I should not condemn the combination unless I've tasted it. You probably say the same about goat-fucking. Well, I reject your pineapple and cream cheese-topped hamburger just as I reject your goat-fucking, the ultimate expression of the nanny state. Get a grip, man. Stop dabbling in the Dark Arts and return to civilized society. Though first I'd strongly recommend a thorough cleanse and a long shower to get the stink of goat off you.

Chip Ahoy said...

No, Sir, this makes you wrong twice.

I'm saying pineapple and cream cheese hamburger is great whether or not you try it.

And I have nothing whatsoever to say about your goat fucking and never would have anything to say about that.

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