Small cheeseburgers

People of the vast sub continent might not recognize what people of the Americas and Europe know instantly as dead cow meat.  We accept that it's been chopped up into bits, combined in giant vats for industrial consistency, and extruded as minced beef. 

Although we sometimes wonder, could there be a better way? And western scientists answer with alacrity, yes, there is, by growing beef scientifically and cutting out the middle cow. 

But that idea is rejected, for now we prefer the cow and all the attendant mess they bring. But when we see packages like this all the time, and sometimes do live off this stuff, and it's so common, the emotional attachment to cattle herds and romantic rural life is effectively severed. 

Psych. I just made all that up. I don't know what I'm talking about.

If you don't have a pan like this then you can't make a hamburger. 

Sorry. Goodbye.

The pans are extremely rare, expensive, and difficult to bring into the country. Homeland Security doesn't allow them to be transported due to their lethality. The pans are extremely heavy and when used as a club they leave clearly identifiable dents in the victim's head. 

The cheese can be purchased only in the United States. All other countries ban it as deleterious and unfit for human consumption. Marketers renamed it, altered its formula, and dragged our innocent southern neighbor into our own domestic dispute that they have nothing to do with, amorally enterprising, it's how we roll.