Designer crackers

rough dough (two processor batches)

dough lightly kneaded

first tray

first tray, scored

second tray, scored

De-zig-ner crackers. Yay!

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup corn meal

1 cup semolina

2 cups A/P flour

(Thereabouts, honestly, I lost track exactly a little bit. You see, I started out thinking 1/2 cup corn and semolina each, then changed midstream, as it were, to 3/4 each and then changed it again, which produced an overly granular dough, that was changed again, but by then I had too much for the processor so it was divided in two and adjusted separately. Separately, but equally. The method to this madness becomes clear below. I think. )

4 oz butter

3/4 cup olive oil

2 Cups water

1 tablespoon kosher flake salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

Toppings, nearly everything I could think of. I ground all the fennel seeds I have, I ground a large quantity of rosemary. Three types of prepared curries, three types of chile powders. Tellicherry peppercorns, Burgundy sea salt. Wasabi.

I made two trays with stripes, pictured. They're a total pain in the butt, and ultimately not worth it. Used card stock paper as templates. Painted the dough with water so the spices would stick. the card stock kept sticking too. Takes too long. Then five trays of unstriped various mixed spices. I overbaked one tray, the fennel tray I believe, and tossed it. So that's six trays of crackers total. 

You know what? That tray of the wasabi was disappointing. I did my best to cover the surface evenly without overdoing it and in the end the wasabi cannot even be detect. I used the commercial fake-o horseradish wasabi, not the spice shop real-deal wasabi because the commercial is stronger and a bit harsher, perfect for floury crackers. Flour is like a black hole of flavor, except when it's whole-wheat flour that you mill at home and in that case contains every particle of the whole grain in its 100% whole wheat goodness, and not reconstructed to varying degrees from its various separated milled components. 

Flour needs a lot of help. But here it already has a lot of help, 100% true whole wheat directly from grain, corn directly from kernels. I mean, come on. So there I was sprinkling on the harsher wasabi thinking to myself, "Don't ruin this tray by making them inedible." Although I do like that POW right up your nose effect that you get with wasabi, but that's only once in awhile, very rarely, not a whole tray of crackers. The green splotches can be clearly seen so you know when you're getting a wasabi cracker and the brain prepares for a kick and then there is none. That makes me sad. It forces me to add more next time and then I'll be right back at running the risk of going too far. Again.

Conclusion: designer crackers striped with colored spices have no place in the modern busy kitchen. *looks around* Wut? The whole varieties are better. All of them are fun, but the intensely flavored striped ones are going way too far. Off the deep end. Beyond the radar. Over the cliff. Out in the wild blue yonder. Lost in the woods. Crossed over the line. Beyond redemption.  Wouldn't want a whole box of those. After making the striped trays, making the non-striped trays was much more fun and fast and 600% easier. Plus they would find much broader acceptance if I ever brought myself to share.