An apple is turned on a toy-like shredder. It comes with a set of blades and it uses two blades at a time; one blade to slice off a piece from the vegetable or fruit as the object turns over it, another blade to slice that slice into thin spaghetti strips, or wider. Both blades are razors. As the vegetable fruit is rotated behind the blades, only half is sliced off in a pre-set thickness. The other half is sliced by the vegetable/fruit being rotated. The slice as it is cut passes through the second comb-like shredding blade for a continuous set of strips. The core is not shredded. It's outrageous. It's maniacal and sinister. It's dangerous. It's fun!
Whoever thought of that is insane.
I've had this for years and it never gets old. Best on things like daikon radish. This apple is too tender. When you do use daikon then you must buy a piece that is straight. Carrot works very well if they are thick enough. The core is wasted. Potato works, but for what? Cooked, potato is too soft. They break all over the place. I suppose you could make an interesting nest-like hashed browned potatoes. Children would really dig this. They'd really enjoy making things if they can be trusted with razors.
I started seeds.
Here area a few:
These are pepper plants started in one of the earlier model Aerogardens. This style of hydroponic garden uses fluorescent lights. Top of the line at the time. Now they don't hold a candle to the new models.
The peppers come out red or orange, possibly yellow, and a bit hot. Vaguely in the shape of a human penis. Interracial. One of my plants from last year survived and its few peppers were not convincing.
That tells me to try again.
From the internet:
The grower saved the best ones to show.
If you see these and think of a man's penis, omg, what an imagination. What gutter-minds. What a bunch of pervs.
They're more like little boy penises. Little boys with scant hope for a future.
I hope mine come out more convincing.
I can show them to ladies and then be all, "What? What are you laughing at?"
This is heirloom petunia. Seeds are all over this little square box. Ten boxes to a tray. Two trays. The seeds are so tiny they're like air. I didn't even actually plant them, I just sprinkled them onto the dirt then watered over the top. The dirt was 100% dry so the seeds floated around until the dirt could absorb the water. These are the first showing of seeds. A couple of hundred seeds. Two types of petunias bought from rareseeds.com. They worked very nicely last year.
This is a spineless cactus purchased on eBay. Used to fill a pot of taller cactus that a friend gave to me for my birthday.
I must keep that original cactus no matter what. When the man gave it to me I thought, "Oh crap. Now I have to care for a cactus." Then the guy died.
And the cactus grew.
They started as three little stumps and now they are all rather tall. But something happened. Those bugs that get into them attacked them. They dried out. I don't know if I should cut them back or what. I replanted them twice.
This second time I decided they do need more cactus in the planter.
A different species.
I thought about this a very long time.
I cast back to those first months when my family moved to Colorado.
All the Air Force brats we knew in Louisiana had already lived here. They told us what an ace place this is. We had never lived this far inland. We had never lived far from an ocean, a great lake, or a gulf. We never lived in a desert. We had never lived at altitude. We listened to all of their stories, skiing, rock climbing, hiking, camping, four-wheeling etc. Outdoors-y stuff.
Nobody mentioned hang gliding.
We heard all about the wildlife.
Nobody mentioned cactus.
There I was a sophomore in high school when I decided I wanted to walk to a local aquarium. I was in Englewood near to Cinderella City Mall at the time one of the largest. Now a dump. The railroad track ran parallel to Santa Fe. Still does. But now with high speed rail alongside it. Man, what a misnomer. It's regular speed rail.
I picked up the railroad tracks at Hampden and would follow them to Mississippi.
That's quite a long way. But I was a very good walker.
Along the way to my shock I discovered small cactus growing in the ballast between the rails. It's growth was stunted due to the incredibly challenging conditions.
As I walked along I kept thinking how much better they could do in improved conditions; better soil, reliable watering, fertilizer.
Upon closer examination and contact I realized why they are so dangerous. This species simply cannot be touched. It's not the needles that get you, they stay put, rather, it's the short stiff hair-like protrusions between the needles that rub off easily into you. They stick into you and you cannot pull them out. You cannot grab them. You can barely see them.
I kept learning that. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them. Don't touch them.
Over and over the same lesson.
The pain simply cannot be avoided.
I decided to leave them alone. Return with work gloves and a box to bring them home.
I planted them in the front yard that got morning light.
But not afternoon light.
After the first season I realized my mistake. They had already bloomed gloriously. But they were not getting enough light. So I transferred them to the back where they'd get full on afternoon light.
Close to the house, the brick caused the spot to be warmer than other spots. The next season the cactus patch doubled in size. Each little Mickey Mouse ear doubled in size and produced two more Mickey Mouse ears. There were flowers all over them. Translucent bright yellow flowers that lasted a very long time. Each flower produced a Mickey Mouse ear or a cup-like fruit.
Such success with a garden and I didn't know what I was doing.
I loved my little cactus garden. It was beautiful. It's flowers were gorgeous and outrageous and bold.
Then we moved. Again. To a much larger house. Much farther away, in the foothills.
I was so over it.
But I never forgot my cactus garden.
From the internet:
Mine was similar to this. Mine had more needles and tuffs of hair-like smaller needles. Mine had less flowers per ear. At most, mine had two new ears per ear. But enough to grow exponentially. Mine impressed the H-E-double barbs out of me. I admired my cactus patch paternalistically.
So when it came time to replicate that original experience I was torn about what type of cactus to buy on eBay.
I decided to be safe about it and buy the spineless cactus.
I did not know they would come without roots!
I have three and none of them had one single root.
After I planted them a few months ago I never tested by pulling them out to examine for roots. I just left them alone. I watered them more than I water the regular cactus, and now one, but only one, has shown this sign of life. The other two do not have a bump to show this type of addition. And the original tall cactus still looks decimated. They are thinned and dried out. I am tempted to cut them to their base if they do not show some plumpness as the new cactus grows. My dead friend will just have to accept that not all cactus plants grow continuously uninterrupted.
Although it would be nice if they did.
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