Kombu katsuobushi dashi, vegetables, tofu, Nomshin shim ramen

Apologies for all the foreign words. Kombu is the dried dark seaweed, and katsuobushi is the shaved and dried and smoked tuna. Dashi is broth. This is a seafood tea. 

Stand on top of ten means "spicy." 

I thought that stand meant an upright stone lantern. Because it looks like one. It is in the name of Tachikawa. I lived there aged ten. Sign outside the post says "stand + river." Now here it is again in spice. See, now that right there is language insight that leads to ... uh ... nothing actually. 

No to the soup broth. No to the vegetable package. I just now made a seafood broth 50X better than this packaged powder and my vegetables are 100X better than this tiny insignificant package. Why would I mess up my beautiful thing with their junk?

* dashi
* mirin
* rice vinegar
* aged soy sauce

I don't mean to be arrogant but I cannot help it. I AM arrogant. 

This is fantastically delicious. Hits the spot. Satisfies the need. Fills the void. Well balanced, and all the rest. 

This meal was actually difficult for me to make. It took me three days. I did not eat properly the first two days because I couldn't move. Everything around me must help hold me up. Extremely unsteady. I did not fall. I sat down three times to rest while making this, one of those times I fell asleep. Although very simple it took me a very long time.

Worth it. This is the most delicious soup that I have ever tasted. And it is just throwing things into a pot. Things that you like. Because that is all that you have around, things that you like. 


I just now experienced a freaky insight that explains what is happening quite well.

But it cannot be real.

I don't even know why I am compelled to mention it other than it affected me deeply. As if this insight is insisting it be paid due attention. 

The people that I know and respect occasionally discuss political things. Everyone is smart. Smarter than me. Admirably successful. Very well traveled. Beautiful homes. Beautiful cars. Multilingual etc. Very interesting in very many ways. 

I see them as multidimensional. I see evenness throughout the dimensions. The same taste applied to clothing and interior design. Conservative well-reasoned choices in anything that you look at. Each dimension brilliant. Actual entertainers. Actual musicians. They are all very interesting, very smart people. No duds among them. No duds in my family. Everyone bright. They can speak on any of their subjects and be easily brilliant and clever and funny. One young man that I met at a party broke conversation to question a Jeopardy! answer. This was the television room. We did not see the t.v., just overheard it, and he kept doing that, yak yak yak, Jeopardy! question, yak yak yak. Over and over through the whole game. Without ruining our conversation he interjected Jeopardy! responses. Right every answer. Never distracted from our separate conversation. Then yak, yak yak, Final Jeopardy! yak yak yak, and he answered that correctly too. One of those casual extremely impressive things people do throughout the day. He did not signal that he knew that he had everything right. I don't think he cared. Very young. I said, "Dude, you swept." He smiled broadly, he laughed, he hadn't been keeping track of scores, he was greatly amused anyone even noticed, as if surprised, he lit up, "Yeah, I did. I did sweep." He thought that sport expression applied to Jeopardy! was funny. He didn't even fully appreciate how mind-blowing and awesome his casual performance was.

Recently each one that I know speaks directly of political things and the picture ALWAYS goes dark. In the picture my friend feels compelled to reveal, my friend literally disappears and is replaced with his own id running wild through irrational darkness and gloom and destruction and hate. The things they ALL say are all appalling unAmerican. 

One of the smartest men that I know remodeled Red Rocks Park. The job that he and his company did is outstanding. Every single line is thoughtful and gracious and useful. The way people flow, how they loiter at prehistoric objects is just beautiful. Boys climb a dinosaur inside the brick tube, the entrance, and below them a girl positions herself inside a very large flat circular fossil set into the floor. The restaurant is fantastic. I told him thank you for doing such a thoughtful job of it, adding significantly to the experience while still quite understated. The whole place is better, and very clean. Nearly invisible. The entrance a single brick tube. The entrance does not face the stage below as expected, rather it faces to the side so you must look for it. Enter the brick tube then another world opens up under the new extended calisthenics stage above. Amazing huge patio in back that can be seen from above. He was uncomfortable with my complement and he interrupted me to suggest that I stop. He was genuinely abashed with a complement. But I wasn't done. My compliment is classy, okay? I have very good and interesting reasons why I felt so strongly about this. I want to include them so he knows. I continued. He shied away again and he interrupted again. That caused me to end my compliment and now I am resenting him shutting me off twice.

Jesus Christ! What is so difficult about accepting a simple complement?

That made me think he is also a bit daft. Or, what is it, on some line of Autism.

The next time we saw each other he went directly to delivering Democrat politics, very obviously stupid ones, openly and freely as if I had asked for it. I am now talking to my friend's id. His ego is off somewhere having a rest. My friend is not there, I am talking to a fiend. There is no talking sense to anyone's political id. 

This is an extremely odd moment. That clarified everything. Soft Mormon-boy voice extolling the need to adjust American elections. One ridiculous point after another. Point, point, point, point very forcefully, single objection, racist! Point, point, point. He heard and instantly dismissed with girlish overly-used Democrat tactic. It doest matter what I say, he will ignore it or bulldoze through it. He showed hallmarks of Democrat debate so casually that he cannot see how utterly ridiculous he made himself sound. I was shocked. All that quiet steadiness, with one tweek, powerful, forceful non-hearing, non-caring, dismissive fuck.

Id does not listen. Id dismisses. Nothing I said mattered. He bulldozed his incredibly stupid idea for creating illegal votes to catch Trump but without mentioning Trump. That was his one plan. Aware fellow crackpots each have their own one crackpot plan.

This very brilliant man stated needing more mail-in ballots and he wants wide open borders. And he wants non-citizens to vote. He wants anyone who can to vote. He wants to encourage as many foreigners to cross into our country and vote. Everyone should receive a flood of ballots. Ballots everywhere. No bother tracking. Xerox copies okay. Hand written notes in any language at all are acceptable. No address is needed. He wants instant registration and more weeks to count them. He wants all this automatic. He wants nothing to be tracked. He invites everyone to pass through and vote. He wants the whole world to participate in American politics no matter how many times. He told me this straight face and forcibly as if it is all brilliant and logical and beautiful as the architectural lines of his own buildings. I say the first objection and says that I am racist and continues unbroken. That casual use of racism said 100x more than he imagined.

And, such a smart man.

He is openly unwisely telling me how he intends to ruin 68,0000,000 votes. He doesn't give a shit about anything or things that anyone else wants. He is this ego-arrogant. He is just flatly stating he must ruin American voting. He must. Without acknowledging any ruination. Crackpot. It is the only way to defeat Trump, without mentioning Trump.  So whatever is needed. And all that is good because Trump. Without saying Trump.

I told him that I see he needs chaos. He requires massive confusion. He needs votes to be unmanageable. He needs all votes to be fungible. He requires American voting system to be distrusted. He is such a political crackpot that he actually tells me how he intends to destroy my vote. By this insane urgency, he is telling me without saying but implying through insistent insanity, that he and his party know they cannot win anything without chaos, confusion, mobs, redirection, Antifa horse shit isn't enough. He needs everyone blabbing about the wrong things. He needs Babble. BLM complete nonsense isn't enough. He needs huge piles of smoke in as many cities as possible to obfuscate their very obvious enumerated recorded videotaped crackpot crimes. He needs as many varieties of fraud flooding the nation to run the clock. He responded with his girlishly silly-ass race cover. Anyone who objects is a racist. I cannot believe my brilliant friend automatically turned to that horribly retarded tactic, then continues uninterrupted, as if he just cooly handled a real racist.  I told him I am offended that he thinks I am so stupid that I cannot spot a straight up class war waged and then covered monotonously as another race dispute. His party is one trick pony. So idiotically wearisome. And the smartest of my friends said it all. The things that he said about race are just fucking stupid. 

Each person's multi dimensions are truly brilliant, then they turn and open their political dimension and it's dark and stupid and destructive as fuck. 

I am not describing simple differences of opinion. I am describing how ALL of my friends, every single one, is suddenly impenetrably resolutely violently politically retarded.

But otherwise they are actually very smart.

This plane of existence that I am on is not right. 

I am not being dramatic. The politics that I am shown as men tell me quite openly how they stitch things together cannot fit in any sensible world. 

The America that I know for sixty-seven years would NEVER put on a mask just because non-government quasi-officials told them to. Not for hour. Not for a day. Not for a week. Certainly not for a full year. I know this as fact. Because I asked every year after living in Asia. 

I see every person I know cede their being citizen in a free nation  for being a subject of the realm.

My known America would NEVER accept a stolen election important as this one with this many discrepancies and this many problems. None of the evidence would be dismissed. What happened this election with my friends openly showing their hearts, stating clearly how they intend to do what was done. The shutting down of conservative voices and deplatforming across the internet could not possibly happen because the other side knows it can turn on them. But not now. This reality has changed. 

Each man showed me his political heart and allowed me inspection openly and easily in conversation and they are each dark and awful and poorly informed and maniacal and ego-based. Not a single one of them fits their other dimensions. I could cry. Suddenly the people I know are politically stupid as shit. Scan their dimensions, they're gorgeous and bright, turn and each dimension is similarly brilliant, turn to their political dimension and the scene is dark and steamy and smelly and filthy where law does not exist, trash piles, offal, everything broken. Surprisingly wrong about everything. Odd because they're so smart. Santa Clause list of impossible things. Misinformed. Mal-informed. Synched. United in vocabulary. Unsynthesized. Irrational. Profligate. Purposefully outside of reason. Illegal. Unconstitutional. Accepting of propaganda. They cannot accurately describe their opponents. Every one of them blows it. Their political dimension displays as painting by Hieronymus Bosch, ridiculously destructive philosophical constructs that scream doom with even more vicious backup, more racist defense for their irrational and destructive positions. Their political dimension is their junk closet. Actually, each man instantly disappears and is replaced with his id. It became clear to me by this model showing, all the brilliance, all the beautiful synthesis that sparkles outwardly all directions, all the charm, the rhyme, does not apply in this political dimension where each man lets his id run completely unrestrained. I am understating. That is all that I get from anyone, pure irrational id. That cannot possibly fit anything else. He does not have to make sense. He need merely emote. I cannot talk about politics sensibly with any single one of my friends. Because they are ALL politically retarded. 

The dichotomy between respectable real life in action and their dimension of political impulses is astounding. It is really depressing.

I was hit with waves of nausea. Sleep would be good. Then I was hungry for a very long time then stopped being hungry. Two full days went by and I could not pull myself up to prepare a meal. I feel anemic. Third day, late, I finally pulled it together. 

In this period I was sweating and restless. Parts of my body were hot. I kept pulling off my shirt and putting it back on. My mind ruminated how truly ridiculously retarded every single person who I know is. It made me sad. I became depressed, not due to COVID overreaction, rather, because every single person that I know including my family are straight up politically retarded. 

They weren't this retarded before. They all changed. 

Why am I even alive to see this? 

I have a VERY strong feeling I've been switched. 

Awake, asleep, awake, asleep, awake asleep, images flow through the stages, wake images, sleep images, some repeating images are really persistent and annoying, I was shown a recurring picture. 

Of a plane of existence peeling off from another. That's all. 

It looks like artist rendition. I keep being shown this. I am shown it all happening inside. I see myself inside.

At length, through seriously long repetitions in and out of sleep states, from this I am supposed to know that I DID die twenty years ago. In that plane I am well and truly rightly dead. That plane is the story of my life and death. While another plane is torn off and I am transferred to it as it rips so naturally that I cannot even notice. I die. How sad. Everyone cries. And I live. 

This bit is inside the picture of a dimension peeling off from another. I slip onto the thing being peeled off.

The original plane still exists. By immediate comparison the two planes are different even though they should be identical. I am dead on that one. So automatically these are different. People grieved on that one but not this one. A force of cosmic conservation of energy and material activates. It took a lot of focused sustained energy to get this far. It is a function of material space to conserve and preserve as much from each energy and material investment as possible. The atoms are popping in and out of existence all over the place. I die on plane-1 and I automatically transfer to plane-2. So that I can still live. 

The planes differ immediately. If a universe is created this my tiny portion is a bit different. They become increasingly dissimilar each moment. I must accept things as they are in the new plane of existence. 

Then it happens again. 

At one point, one year it seemed, I was receiving a full-on blood transfusion every month. Most at my home. My blood was actually pink. I'd be transfused all day then my blood is magically red. Until I could no longer take it. I complained about not being able to take this life, transfusion to transfusion with nothing lifelike in between, and the orderly said, "I know." 

Bitch. Is this reverse psychology, or what? You're supposed to encourage me. Goddamnit. She expects me to die.

I am certain that I actually did die. The background of this ersatz replacement plane is a little bit different. 

Then it happens again. 

I was given medicine with an element that I am allergic to. I took them faithfully and responsibly. They didn't work. I got weaker and weaker. Another blood transfusion. A huge one. This transfusion took a very long time. Upon recovering things are a tiny bit different. 

The insight is: this is how you continue to live here on earth when you die. But each plane of existence created for this becomes a little bit worse for you. That explains how ALL of my sensible friends, to a man, are all 100% worse than 100% worthless for anything political. It's bizarre. Like a cartoon. All I will ever get in this place is bizarre cartoon id. 

That is what made me depressed. Knowing the next death and new plane will be incrementally worse. I do not change. I am still just as bad off. But with one tiny difference I can exist on this ripped plane. That tiny difference is the key to repair on this plane, but it is going to be very hard, after all, I did die. And it goes this way, the best that cosmos can do, very well actually, until the person simply cannot go any further with so very much out of whack, the insufferable oddness of ripped existences, the ridiculousness of one's full panoply of evil and error and misapprehension all packed into their filthy political dimension, and misfit zipped off planes of existence differing unfortunately, finally, we really must stop making these transfers then all your transfers can expire, and you finally let yourself go.


MamaM said...

If you haven't seen this on a Belgian Malinois making the transfer to a new life, it's a good story written by Mary Katherine Ham.


brio said...

You haven't posted for quite some time. Are you okay? Did the rant, at the end of this post, do you in? I hope you know that you are not alone in thinking the way you do. Also 67 here and I wonder what has happened and where the US is going?

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