biscuits and gravy

Oh, my God, I am so hungry I could even eat biscuits and gravy with gently scrambled eggs instead of biscuits! 


scrambled eggs with sausage and mushroom gravy photo 1
scrambled eggs with sausage and mushroom gravy photo 2
scrambled eggs with sausage and mushroom gravy photo3
Biscuitless because *burp* I'm still rolling around in *belch* thirty-one inch waist jeans *slober* and that *slurp* must end immediately. Because, *nom nom nom* I can't afford *smack smack* a new wardrobe right *burp* now. I did, however, *slurp* do sixty-two *burp* sit-ups yesterday, so that *belch* counts for something.

Explicit directions follow. Skip it if you already know all about this.

* Cut a thick disc off a log of Jimmy dean sausage into a moderately hot pan
* Dice 1/2 onion and add before the sausage cooks through. Break up the sausage while it's cooking
* Add a handful of sliced mushrooms
* salt/pepper/+ any flavor you wish. I wished Lee & Perrins, and garlic powder.
* Add an even tablespoon of flour blended through and thoroughly cooked (one minute)
* 1 Cup milk. Stir until thickened.
* Off heat, add cheese of choice. I added that crap from Ft. Collins I didn't much care for because it was a great way to get rid of it. I removed the rind because i didn't like that either. Fussy fussy fussy. It worked! The cheese helped the sauce, and the sauce really helped the cheese.
* Put this cooked mixture into a cup and reserve for the eggs.

* Rinse out the pan and return it to the stove, moderate heat.
* It's Be Kind to Eggs Day! We're going to be very gentle here and barely cook them through.
* Lightly, gently, kindly, beat the shit out of three eggs until there's no hope of them ever becoming chickens. Now, don't you feel guilty?
* No? Good. Drop a daub of butter into the pan and roll it around. Completely coat the pan. When it melts and turns to oil and begins to brown, dump in the eggs. Allow the beaten eggs to spread across the pan.
* Within seconds, gently push an edge of cooked egg toward the center of the pan. Allow liquid egg to fill the evacuated space.
* Do the same thing to the other side of the pan. North, south, east and west, compass-wise. Build up a pile of gently cooked egg curd in the center of the pan. Otherwise, do not disturb that pile of curd in any way.  Do not flip it, do not push it around any further, cut it, divide it, smash it, tumble it, nothing.  Just leave it alone.  Build upon it. 
* Remove from heat before all the liquid egg is solidified. That is, the mixture should be wet. The edges of the pan should be freed of egg that has been gently pushed toward the center into a rather wet mass.  It will continue cooking briefly out of the pan. 
* Gently coax the egg pile onto a warm plate
* Cover with reserved sauce and herbs.

Congratulations. In the most hideous way imaginable you've just prevented three helpless embryonic chickens from being born, Take a bow. And by you, I mean me.

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