Care package from the family of my little brother

The box is large and flat. It takes up the width of the table.

Nathan is younger. I notice his handwriting is straight.

Nathan started then realized 'Time' will not fit so he erased the T and moved it. 

Daniel is thanking me for the KiwiCo kits.  

Italian chocolates. Rocher is French for rock. There is a rock inside each chocolate.

Psych!

I lied again. 

Rocher refers to a religious grotto, Rocher de Massabielle. See, the whole thing is Yurpean. 

I did not understand this holding it. The top is a ring. A spoon is holing it onto the cardboard. (Is that like magic, or what?) Why is the ring so different from the rest?

Then looking at this picture I understood it is meant to go on a doorknob.

But what if my door has a latch handle not a knob? Huh? Then what? 

This reindeer does something. It does a couple of things, actually but I haven't figured it out. Moves its head, bounces, sings, and with a bucket behind and a tail that moves I am imagining it should poop a candy.

Oh man, these Russians crack me up. Backwards letters, weird double backwards letters, letters that don't go together. They're hilarious.

I betcha a million dollars that mëдом  means honey.

Notice how everything is in focus?  ↑

This is actually seven photos. 

Care to hear some camera stuff? 

And Photoshop stuff.

When you tell the camera to focus front, middle, back or anywhere in between then the whole photo is resized each time so even with the camera on a tripod and nothing changed except point of focus,  the points of everything will not match up precisely when the photos are stacked and the whole stack of photos must be resized to fit point for point best as possible.  The result will be smaller than the original. You will notice the box in the back, top right, is given three yellow and pink edges instead of just one.

I wrote to my brother to tell him I have the package.

Your box arrived. 

I am eating the contents right now.

Tell your boys that I am eating so much chocolate that my poop is coming out like a chocolate candy fountain. 

With nuts. 

And raisins. 

And when they calm down, say, “and marshmallows.” 

I love grossing out boys, they kill me.

Thank you very much. This is thoughtful. 

Oh! I figured out the springy thing goes on a doorknob. 

Why does the reindeer have a bucket? Its tail moves. Is it supposed to poop a candy dot into the bucket?

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Jim wrote back: 

You have to lift the deer's tail to open the poopchute. Then you have to look up her butt to make sure the launch area is clear for take off. When all is a go, press down on her back. They're yummy. Sometimes she has constipation which sucks, then diarrhea which is totally cool. But the jingle bell sounds make the effort and abnormalities pretty fun really. You'll be pleasantly surprised by the semi soft texture and the uniqueness of the flavor. Subtle hints whoa shit, with a lingering notes of what the hell? My wife thinks we're weird. Seriously! 

-- * -- * -- * -- * -- * -- 

Believe it or not, his instructions are real. 

Alternately, you can twist off its head and see the whole body filled with colored pellets. Colored sugar pellets. Like BBs. Except colored. Hard. 

And when the head is put on and twisted far as it goes then two halves of an extension line up, a loop, that stops the twisting and suggests a connection to something, a key chain, no, a Christmas tree ornament. Why else have a tiny loop?